Are You Moving Towards or Away?
If you think about your life the chances are that you are either moving towards something or away from something. You probably know people that are striving for a promotion (towards) or just trying to stop themselves being fired (away). Or maybe people that are trying to not be fat (away) while others are aiming for a flat stomach/big biceps (towards).
The interesting thing is that those who are moving toward their goals will find they have consistent results, while people moving away from something will find that their progress comes and goes. Someone moving away from poverty will see-saw between broke and being in the black, while someone moving towards prosperity will leave being broke well behind them.
If you are having inconsistent results and you find your motivation is there one day, but gone the next, then it may be time to take a close look at your values and goals. Once you have them all pointing towards you will be a lot closer to having consistent results!
Confident Future Newsletter
Would you like to receive a short and sweet weekly success strategy sent to your inbox? These were made available due to popular demand, they are thought provoking and implementable in your life now. To receive your weekly dose of inspiration from us and begin benefiting from our information now, fill in the box below.
BizSmart Handouts
Thank you for attending the BizSmart 2009 Event. Confident Future presented on Selling with Emotional Intelligence and we had a great time working with such an enthusiastic group! As promised you are most welcome to receive a full copy of the handouts and slides from the session.
To receive your copy of the handouts and the slides please
fill in the form below with your name and email address.
Ready to Win?
Do you remember the exercise from the presentation where we worked through part of a Prosperity Pod? The exercise helped you understand and articulate your customers buying motives, and potentially sell to them better. That exercise is just one exercise in an entire Prosperity Pod about Sales! And the Sales Prosperity Pod is just one Pod in a collection of Pods designed to improve and accelerate your business. These Pods have all been created by Confident Future coach, Kate Kingsbury.
By taking action and requesting the handouts you are showing that you are committed to your success. To reward you we would like to offer one person that requests the handouts the opportunity to work one-on-one with Kate Kingsbury (The coach that actually WROTE the Prosperity Pods) for a period of 4 months. This coaching would include access to as many of the Prosperity Pods as you can handle in that time as well as Confident Future’s other Success Strategies for Life. Additionally you have email access to contact Kate directly and will also receive an hour on the phone with Kate per month.
This is an amazing opportunity to improve yourself and your business so that you can make the 2009/2010 financial year your biggest year ever! Whether you are interested in increasing sales, decreasing costs, boosting profits or maybe even getting a better work-life balance - Kate is the best coach we have at working with Small Business Owners to get amazing results!
You are an action taker. You are demonstrating your commitment to your results. Even though coaching with Kate would normally be $497.00/month (Which makes this prize an AMAZING $1988.00 value) we want to do it so we can support your business.
So what do you need to do for a chance to be coached by Kate? All you need to do is request the handouts! Just pop your name and email address below and we will send you the handouts and also enter you in the draw to win 4 months of coaching with Kate.
To receive your copy of the handouts and the slides please fill in the form below with your name and email address.
Once we have received your name and email address you can expect to receive the slides in under 12 hours, normally sooner. You will initially receive an email to confirm your email address, just click the link in that email to have the slides emailed directly too you. Your email address is safe with us. We do not sell or share your information with anyone else. You always have the option of unsubscribing if you change your mind about receiving emails from us later.
NB: Competition winner for coaching with Kate will be drawn on Tuesday, 11th August 2009 at 9AM Perth time (GMT +8).
How To Tell If A Guy’s Into You
Would you like to know if a guy likes you or is interested? Perhaps you noticed him when you were crossing at the lights, standing in a check-out queue or talking with a friend. Did he notice you? You think so, but maybe it was your imagination or just wishful thinking. Your eyes met for just a few seconds, and then you both looked away. When you looked back up, he was talking with someone. Was he watching you as you socialised? Or were you making that up? How can you tell if a guy likes you? Why is it so hard to read a guy?
We’ve put together five signs that he is interested in you too. If any of the following happen, he is on the verge of asking you out:
1. He tells someone he’s interested
Is he interested? He likes you if he tells a mutual friend that he wants to know more about you, or he asks other people who you are and where you’re from. He is trying to act like he’s “just asking” but his questions indicate more than a casual interest. And when he tells someone that he finds you attractive, he probably knows that it will get back to you. He’s hoping it does.
2. The gives you the look
Was that him giving you THE look? He gives you a look that betrays his calm exterior. Even from across the room, “that look” says it all. It sweeps from your head to your toes, and then his eyes linger on yours and then lock in. Was that the beginning of a tentative smile? You think so!
3. The conversation
Does he like you? When he manages to get close enough to ask you questions, he is interested. He appears to be listening and responds to what you say. He’s moving in to the ultimate question, which is: “Are you seeing anyone?” and he hopes the answer is “No.” He would only ask this question if he wanted to go out with you. If he doesn’t ask you the question of whether or not you are attached, he may ask someone whom you both know.
4. He turns up unexpectedly
He likes you a lot if he shows up out of nowhere. He can only do that if he has been asking people about your schedule, or he has been paying attention to where you said you’d be going and at what time. He may be embarrassed when he sees you. A sudden, “Oh, hi,” is his way of saying, “I don’t want to seem obvious, but I am very interested in you.” If you feel the same way, do not act shy. Stop and talk to him.
5. EVERYONE likes you. . . so why wouldn’t he?
Is he interested? Will he like you too? When you are well liked and a happy and positive person, why wouldn’t he like you? Of course he does. He wants to get to know everything about you. If you don’t have a great life, however, now is your time to start working on one. Take a look at your career possibilities, body image, future plans, areas of your life that are not working and resources. You may be naturally talented at something, but it won’t matter unless you work on your strengths. Misused or unused talents fade away. Training and coaching do not.
So what do you have to gain? Make it easy for him and be friendly. This is how relationships begin.
Confident Future Newsletter
Would you like to receive a short and sweet weekly success strategy sent to your inbox? These were made available due to popular demand, they are thought provoking and implementable in your life now. To receive your weekly dose of inspiration from us and begin benefiting from our information now, fill in the box below.
Confident Future Presents at BizSmart 2009
BizSmart is a once-a-year opportunity for Small Businesses to discover ways of working smarter, not harder in their business. It includes an expo of the newest products and services for small business, great networking opportunities and the chance to win up to $2000 cash and a Business Improvement Package worth $5000!
Confident Future is really excited to be presenting at this years BizSmart event on the subject of Selling With Emotional Intelligence. Lloyd Johnson, a Confident Future coach, will be running this presentation. His 90-minute presentation has been designed to leave you with practical, take-home skills that you can use to immediately improve your sales. Unlike your IQ, with training you can increase your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Emotional Intelligence is a complex area that can be broken down into four main areas. Lloyd explains these areas and shows you, with real examples, how you can maximise your sales by developing your EQ. During the session you will spend time in small groups practising the techniques taught and there will be an opportunity to ask questions at the end of the presentation. The skills covered in this session will go beyond improving your sales results; they are applicable in any area of your life that involves people.
If you are interested in finding out more information or registering to attend this event please visit the BizSmart website.
Does Your Body Talk Your Language Seminar, July 2009
Have you ever felt ‘in sync’ or ‘on the same wavelength’ as someone? Have you ever just ‘known’ that someone isn’t quite telling you the whole story? Would you like to know how to create that ‘in sync’ feeling and gain an understanding of how people think, just from observing them? Well then we have great news for you!
Confident Future is running a seminar in July designed to improve your communication skills. We have two great speakers lined up for two sessions on core communication skills.
Rapport Building Session
We have been very lucky to secure Heike Silke, an expert in Neuro Linguistic Programming, as a speaker to explain the basics of rapport building skills. Rapport is the quality of harmony, recognition and mutual acceptance that exists between people when they are at ease with one another. In general, we gravitate towards people that we consider similar to us, because people like people who are like themselves - like likes like! We naturally experience rapport with close friends however the ability to create rapport is a skill that can be learned and which can be used to improve your relationship with anybody, in any setting.
Heike has over 12 years of International Business experience and was originally trained in the United Kingdom. Her passion is in encourgaing people to live the life they really want!
> Click here for more information about Heike Silke (Opens in a new window)
Reading Eye Movements Session
Following Heike’s session Lloyd Johnson will be presenting on body language. Specifically Lloyd will be focusing on how to gain an insight into the way people think by reading their eye movements. Eye movements indicate HOW a person is thinking - whether they are imagining a future or past event, internally re-hearing a sound or making up a sound, talking to themselves, or attending to their feelings. Being able to read a person’s eye direction movements provides information about how they are processing (or ‘thinking’ in the broadest sense of the term). Often even the person themselves will not be aware of how they are thinking yet it is available for the sharp-eyed and skilled observer.
Lloyd is a Confident Future Coach and a strong believer in the power of small positive changes.
> Click here for more information about Lloyd Johnson (Opens in a new window)
Details
When? Wednesday, 1st July 2009
Time? 6PM for 6:15PM Start (Expect an 8PM finish)
Location? My Headquarters, 116 Edward St, Perth WA
Price? $97.00 per person
Book Online
This seminar has been and gone! Keep an eye on our website for future seminars.
Common Barriers to Listening
Listening is so much more than just ‘hearing’. Active listening means stopping your own internal monologue, devoting your attention to the sender and seeking to truly understand the sender’s message.
Common barriers to careful listening include:
- Constantly comparing yourself to the speaker (eg, ‘Who is smarter? Who’s had it rougher?’);
- Trying to mind read what the talker really thinks;
- Planning what argument or story to give next;
- Filtering so that one hears only certain topics or doesn’t hear critical remarks;
- Judging a statement to be ‘crazy’ or ‘boring’ or ‘stupid’ before it is completed;
- Going off on one’s daydreams;
- Remembering your own personal experiences instead of listening to the talker;
- Busily drafting your prescription or advice long before the talker has finished telling his or her woes;
- Considering every conversation an intellectual debate with the goal of putting down the opponent;
- Believing you are always right, so no need to listen;
- Quickly changing the topic or laughing it off if the topic gets serious;
- Placating the other person by automatically agreeing with everything they say (“You’re right… Of course… I agree…”)
How many of the common barriers to listening do you identify with? What can you do to change these habits?
Leadership: Smile and the world smiles with you!
Past research by social scientists around the world confirm that when a leader is in a happy mood, the people around him or her are more cheerful. The collective mood of the group lifts. People with a positive leader are more optimistic, creative, efficient and predisposed to be helpful. Research conducted by Alice Isen at the US’ Cornell University in 1999, for example, found that a upbeat and uplifting environment fosters mental efficiency; people in positive environments tended to be better at absorbing and retaining information, at decision-making, critical analysis, complex reasoning and more flexible in their thinking.
Other research links mood and financial performance. In 1986, for instance, Martin Seligman and Peter Schulman of the University of Pennsylvania established that insurance agents with a “glass half-full” outlook were more successful than their pessimistic peers, because they were able to persist despite rejections.
It appears that mood contagion is a real neurological phenomenon, but not all emotions spread with the same ease. A 1999 study conducted by Sigal Barsade at the Yale School of Management demonstrated that cheerfulness and warmth spread easily among work teams, while irritability caught on less so, and depression least of all.
It’s hardly a surprise that laughter is the most contagious of all emotions. Hearing laughter, we find it almost impossible not to laugh or smile, too. Why? It seems our brains’ open-loop circuits are designed to detect smiles and laughter, ensuring we respond in kind. Scientists hypothesise that our brains were hardwired in this way because smiles and laughter cemented allegiances, thus helping the survival of the species.
The implication for leaders is this: laughter really is the best medicine.
Humour hastens the spread of a positive and progressive environment.
Are you a leader in your family, work environment or social group? How could you be making better use of laughter to inspire and motivate those around you? If you are interested in becoming a better leader we have 14 units specifically tailored to growing you as a leader. If you are interested in more information about the difference improving your leadership skills will make in your life please Contact Us today!
Why Modern Relationships Aren’t Working
What was good enough for our parents doesn’t seem to be good enough for us. We are no longer willing to make such enormous personal sacrifices. We demand and deserve lasting happiness, intimacy and passion with a single partner. If we don’t get it we are prepared to sacrifice the marriage; personal fulfilment is now more important than the family unit.
What’s the solution? It’s not in divorce or self-sacrifice. The answer lies in learning to create relationships that support our personal fulfilment. There is nothing wrong with wanting more than our parents did. The truth is, times have changed, and our values have changed with them. The new problems we face are not symptoms of failure, rather the result of the evolution of our society.
Over and over we have witnessed couples on the verge of divorce miraculously fall in love again. Through discovering and recognising their mistakes, they do not feel so powerless and hopeless. Their hearts open up again. Understanding our parts of the problem lets us release our blame and begin practicing new skills, which transform our relationships.
Why Many Modern Women are Unhappy
They are overworked, overstressed, and commonly feel unsupported and overwhelmed with good reason. At no other time in history has so much been expected of them. At least 5 days a week, they put on a uniform and march into an 8-12 hour battle. When they come home, they need to clean the house, make the dinner, do laundry, love and nurture the kids, and also be pleasing and happy as well as romantically receptive to their mates. It’s just too much to ask of themselves, and it’s making them feel split inside. At work, women are required to think, talk, react, dress and behave according to the traditional masculine rules of conduct. At home, they have to switch to being warm, giving and feminine.
Why Many Modern Men are Dissatisfied
Modern men feel underpaid, defeated and unappreciated. Like women, they are experiencing the toll that a two-career marriage takes. Years ago, when a man returned to a stay-at-home wife she could easily show him how much she appreciated his efforts and sacrifices. Happy to care for him because she wasn’t stressed out, she asked for very little in return. Now, abruptly, the home as a male comfort base is under siege. Many men work just as hard, if not harder than their forefathers, but still can’t manage to be their family’s sole support. Deprived of the strong sense of self that being a sole provider would bring him, on a deep emotional level he easily feels defeated when his partner seems unhappy and unfulfilled.
The work world does nothing to nourish the female spirit and is dramatically affecting the quality of man/woman relationships. Men are wired to give all to their work, then come home and receive. To a great extent women are built to give and receive at the same time. Women love to give but need to be fuelled simultaneously: when they give without receiving, they tend to give more and eventually feel overwhelmed, empty, and resentful. In some cases, just as the woman feels responsible for doing it all at home, a man is socially programmed to also feel that it is all her responsibility. Just as it is difficult for her to relax and do less, it is equally difficult for him to find the energy to help out. His programming is saying that his job is done when he returns home, while hers is saying she needs to do more.
The difference between female burn out and fulfilment is determined not by how much a woman does at work but by the quality of the support she receives. A woman can forget the problems of the day by remembering them and talking about them. She does this in a non-linear, unedited, emotional way. Men banish the problems of the day by not talking about them. By bringing them up in conversation, a man would have to address himself to solving them.
While it is important for men not to talk, it is equally important for woman to talk – but it is not necessary for him to talk back to her, he only needs to listen. A man can be stressed out from a day at work, but if his partner is happy with him he feels fulfilled – when he senses her appreciation of his labour, his stress level dissipates. But when an exhausted woman returns home to a happy man, he doesn’t make her day. She needs to communicate and feel some nurturing support before she can begin to appreciate him.
A man thrives on appreciation because it directly nurtures his male side.
A woman thrives on communication because it directly nurtures her female side.
By understanding and honouring these differences we can create mutually fulfilling relationships.
How can you use this information in your relationship?Are you dissatisfied or unhappy with how things have been lately? A coach may be able to help! Confident Future has 11 units that specifically focus around creating the relationship of your dreams! So what are you waiting for? Get in touch if you want more information by providing your email address below!
Time Management - A Paradigm Shift
Despite all your best efforts with To Do Lists, Action Plans, prioritisation, calendars, state-of-the-art diaries and up-to-the minute timetables, do you find yourself saying that there are “never enough hours in the day”?
The two primary factors that drive our choices concerning how we spend our time are urgency and importance.
It is a status symbol in our society to be busy. If we are busy, we are important. We can even get our security from it; it is validating, popular and pleasing and it is also a distraction from looking at what is really important. Many of the traditional time management tools focus us on doing the urgent things. However, the more time and energy we spend doing the urgent, the less we have available for doing the important. Many of the things that are important to us achieving our objectives are not urgent, and therefore are left by the wayside. Take a look at this table below:
| Urgent | Non Urgent | |
| Important |
|
|
| Non Important |
|
|
The next table displays the average amount of time spent in each quadrant. The first estimated figure is what we should all be aimin gfor, however the second figure (in red) shows us how much time we really normally spend there:
| Urgent | Non Urgent | |
| Important |
20-25% 25-30% |
65-80% 15% |
| Non Important |
15% 50-60% |
Less than 1% 2-3% |
As we can see, many of the things that are important to us achieving our objectives are not urgent. Ask yourself, where did you spend most time last week? Are you focusing on the Urgent areas at the expense of Non Urgent, but Important, areas of your life? What could you do to make a positive step towards better managing your time today?
Types of Procrastinators
This article follows on in our line of articles on Procrastination. If you are interested the previous articles are:
If you scored highly on the procrastination test, you’re not alone. In their 1994 survey of procrastination, social researchers McCown and Roberts found that forty percent of people experienced procrastination and just over twenty five percent of people experienced chronic debilitating procrastination.
Whilst it’s clearly a problem that affects a large number of people, we can divide procrastinators into a few broad categories:
Behavioral Procrastinators
Some procrastinators have simply adopted and reinforced a bad habit. Many people avoid tasks that they find unpleasant or difficult and instead engage in activities that are more rewarding in the short-term.
If you can identify that your procrastination is the result of bad habits or poor time management, then implementing some new techniques can help markedly (Our coaches cover these techniques as part of your coaching). Avoiding distractions, breaking big jobs down into manageable tasks and training yourself into “getting started” will all help.
It is more likely, however, that you know how to manage your time but don’t make use of those skills; you know what you should do, but don’t seem to get around to doing it. If that’s the case, read on…
Emotional Procrastinators
Procrastination is unrelated to ability or intelligence. Instead, psychologists have discovered procrastination to be the result of one of two things:
1. Anxiety (most obviously, fear of failure); or
2. A lack of conscientiousness or impulsiveness.
Anxious Procrastinators
Anxious procrastinators often feel both an intense pressure to succeed and a fear of failure. These people feel overwhelmed by pressures, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, dissatisfied with accomplishments, indecisive, are blaming of others or circumstances for failures, lacking in confidence and, often have perfectionistic expectations.
The underlying fear of an anxious procrastinator is of failing. They fear a lack of ability, of being imperfect, and of falling short of overly demanding goals.
These people think that their worth is determined by what they do. They are often afraid of being judged and found wanting. Thus, this kind of procrastinator will get over-stressed and over-worked until he or she escapes the pressure temporarily by trying to relax. But any enjoyment gives rise to guilt and more apprehension.
According to Neil Fiore in his 1989 book Conquering Procrastination, if the work pressure is already too great, exhorting the anxious procrastinator to “try harder,” “get yourself organised,” “this is a tough job, so don’t put it off,” or “no friends and no fun ‘til the work is done” is counterproductive. Such typical advice only increases the pressure and unpleasant feelings about the task to be done. This kind of procrastinator has to reduce the unpleasantness of the task and then he or she will get it done.
Relaxed Procrastinators
Relaxed procrastinators are often dismissive of their work. They live in constant denial, avoiding challenging tasks by concentrating on other distracting activities. They tend to live in the moment, “going with the flow”, chasing a happy life, rather than chasing their dreams.
These procrastinators are impulsive, are often unable to delay gratification of pleasure and lack of self-control. They may be antiauthoritarian and therefore avoid meeting external demands (from the boss, the university lecturer or a parent). Relaxed procrastinators may lack motivation, energy or organisation.
This work-avoiding, pleasure-seeking procrastinator will not feel much pressure to change, unless he or she is confronted with a crisis. This may be failing a course, a serious reprimand from the boss, or a fractured relationship. As with the smoker who needs a cancer scare or the obese person who needs a heart attack, unless a pleasure-seeking procrastinator can change of his or her own volition, it will take a crisis to bring him or her to attention.
If you identify with what was written above a Coach will really help you to resolve your procrastination and start moving forward. How good would that feel? If you’re interested then take action today and Contact Us about getting started with a Coach.
