Two Dutch researchers did a study in which they had groups of students answer forty-two fairly demanding questions from a board game you may have heard of, Trivial Pursuit. The first half were asked to take five minutes before the game to think about what it would mean to be a Professor and to write down everything that came to mind. Those students got 55.6% percent of the questions right.
The other half of the students were asked to first sit and think about Soccer Hooligans. They ended up getting 42.6 percent of the Trivial Pursuit questions right.
The “Professor” group didn’t know more than the “Soccer Hooligan” group. They weren’t smarter or more focused or more serious. They were simply in a “smart” state and associating themselves with the idea of something smart, like a Professor, made it a lot easier to blurt out the right answers.
Now, the difference between 55.6% and 42.6% may not seem like much but it is actually enormous… Getting over 50% or under 50% is the difference between passing and failing!
So, the question is: What, if you were to think about being like it, would most boost your results in a given situation? Before golf maybe you want to be thinking about how Tiger Woods would be thinking (About the golf game, not what happens after!). Before you speak in public maybe you want to be thinking about how your favourite public speaker would be thinking. Before you make that sales call maybe you want to think about what would be going through Zig Ziglar’s mind. It may only make a small difference, but the small differences can quickly add up – especially when it comes to differences in mindset!
Where are you at with your social circle? Do you have all the friends that you want? Could you do with some higher quality friends? Recently I received an email from a friend I haven’t spoken to since my days at University. She has a question that I thought you may enjoy the answer to. She asked:
I feel like I have limited friends right now and don’t know how to meet new people. When I do meet new people, I can’t make a conversation….. I’ll be quiet most of the time, like a snap shut clam. Due to the nature of me being so shy and I don’t have many friends thus I don’t get to meet potential partners.
And here is my reply:
You’ve certainly got a journey ahead of you. Though, it is probably the most rewarding journey that you are ever going to undertake!
Right now you have a comfort zone. You have a space that feels really comfortable for you to operate from. And when you push the walls on that comfort zone it gets, well, uncomfortable. You must start to push those walls, make yourself uncomfortable and do it regularly. Because the harder you push on those walls the faster they will shift and move.
I guess the best place to start is with the friends that you already have. How many people do you have that you could call up and go for a coffee, a drink or a meal with? 1? 10? 100? Now, the easiest place to start is with the people you already know. What I want you to do is to make at least three ‘dates’ to meet people you already know but ones that you haven’t spoken to for at least 3 months. Facebook message them, text them, call them or whatever it takes to start the ball rolling again.
It is a small step. But a worthy one. If you can re-connect with existing friends then connecting with new people will be easier as it uses the same skills :)
Does that make sense? Do you have questions? Let me know…
This is just the start of the journey towards building a really strong social circle. But it is an important step. If there is one thing that you take away from this then take away the importance to taking action. It is easy to be less than happy with how things are. It is easy to whinge or complain. But none of those things change anything. Until you TAKE ACTION things aren’t going to improve.
How could you start taking action to build your social circle today?
An interesting piece of writing from the tombstone of an Anglican bishop in Westminster Abbey:
“When i was young and free and my imagination had no limits,
I dreamed of changing the world.
As i grew older and wiser i discovered the world would not change
So i shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country,
But it too seemed immovable.
As i grew into my twilight years,
In one last desperate attempt,
I settled for only changing my family, Those closest to me,
But alas, they would have none of it.
Be The Change,
And now i realise as i lie on my deathbed,
If i had only changed myself first,
Then by example i might have changed my family,
From their inspiration and encouragement
I would then have been able to better my country,
And who knows, I might have changed the world”
Or, as was put more simply by Mahatma Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
An often talked about topic in Introduction to NLP talks is that “You Get What You Focus On”. The general idea is that while our sensory receptors are capable of taking in large amounts of information our brains are only capable of processing a very small amount of that information. The number often thrown about (And in printed form in Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book, Flow) is that we are capable to take in 2,000,000 bits of information a second yet our brains can only process 134 bits of information per second. That is less than 0.001% of the information that our brains process and we use that tiny subset to build our entire idea about reality! Pretty easy to see how mis-understandings in relationships can happen if you think about it like that! Our brain are pretty good at ignoring what isn’t important to us getting by on minimal information the rest of the time. NLP has some pretty good explanations for how all of that works but I thought it would be more fun to share this video of it in action with you. Watch the video and see what happens for you…
Now, you may have seen this before but it is interesting all the same. You get what you focus on! Focus on the ball passes and you see the ball passes. Focus on the moon walking bear, and, well! So… what are you focusing on? Are you focusing on the good things in life, or are you focusing on something else? Change your focus and change your life so start focusing on what you want today!
Have you ever experienced true motivation? You know, that level of motivation that just totally grabs you by the core and fills your with so much energy that you can’t help but do something with it! The surge you get as the brain releases all of the right chemicals at just the right time to leave you feeling like you can do… anything! I imagine it is kind of like getting off a little 50cc scooter and jumping on a 1000cc Ducati sports bike. I had every intention of hiring the necessary props to share what this would look like though I found this clip that possibly demonstrates motivation being like a Ducati bike in a whole new way:
Are you this motivated about something yet? Do you wake up and just throw yourself out of bed because you’re so excited about it? Or are you one of the many people out there that could really do with a little bit more motivation from time to time?
The good news is that my book, Inspire Yourself to Action, is only $5 until Sunday. So if you’re after a kick start to your motivation then take some action now, grab this book and hold onto those Ducati handle bars!
Well, it is that time of the year again! As one year comes to an end we are about to embark on another one. You’re possibly reflecting back on what your dreams were, what you’ve achieved and what you want to achieve in the future. So I thought I’d put together a quick post on the top 7 reasons that you won’t achieve your New Years Resolutions and offer some simple tips for doing better with them in the next 12 months.
Not being specific enough about your resolutions. Want to lose weight or earn more or start playing golf? That is all well and good but without becoming more specific about it you’re unlikely to see the results you want. How much weight do you want to lose, and by when? How much more do you want to earn, and by when? What does playing golf specifically mean – once a day, once a month or once a year? With each of your resolutions become really specific about what you want and you will be half way to achieving them.
Not really wanting it. For you to succeed it has to be something that you *really* want for yourself. Is the partner putting pressure on you to quit smoking? It isn’t going to be anywhere near as successful as if you want to quit for your own reasons. Does your Mum think you need to do this or that? Probably not going to work. Work out what you really want and go after it with both hands. Motivation is king when pursuing a resolution.
Not considering the wider consequences. Sure, some of your aspirations may sound good on paper, but what are the wider consequences to your life? Is that resolution really such a good idea if it means not seeing your partner or friends because you’re so busy focusing on it? Or is the resolution going to cost so much you won’t be able to reach your financial goals or pay the bills? Make sure you consider the wider impact on your life of each and every resolution you decide to pursue.
Only trying to achieve them. Try is a funny word. If you think about it, you only successfully try if you don’t achieve it! Try scratch your nose… the minute you actually scratch your nose you’ve stopped trying – it is only trying while you don’t achieve it. So remove that word from your resolutions and actually *do* them. Notice the difference it makes.
Not taking action. It doesn’t matter how well you’ve gone so far this is the one that trips the most people up. To achieve a resolution you must, must, must TAKE ACTION. It isn’t magic, what you do is what gets done. So if you are serious about your resolutions then work out what you need to do next and start taking action right now!
Not being held accountable. I’m sure this isn’t you but have you ever noticed how packed gyms are for the first two weeks of January? Lots of people set out wildly towards their resolutions but after a couple of weeks something happens. And when that something happens they don’t get right back to their resolution, they seem to forget about them. This only happens if you’re not being held accountable! Find a friend, a family member or even a Coach to play this important role. A friendly kick in the arse is often what it takes to make the difference between getting to your resolution or not so make sure there are people that are good at friendly arse kicking in your life!
Not seeing things through to the end. I’ll finish writing more about this one in a couple of days…
Do you have tips for achieving your New Years Resolutions? It would be great to hear them. Leave a comment or drop me an email and I’ll save them up for next year
“Cheshire Cat,” Alice began, rather carefully. “Would you tell me, please, which way to go from here?”
“That depends on where you want to go,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where…” said Alice.
“Well then it doesn’t really matter which way you walk,” said the Cat.
“…so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
(From Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll)
I’m sure you’re curious as to why I’d start off a post with a passage from Alice in Wonderland… It’s simple. THIS is so often the mentality of the people we interact with on a daily basis, whether it’s a question being asked or a “possible” situation that people need to know about.
At the end of the day, it becomes obvious that you don’t always know WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.
Make no mistake, you’ll get SOMEWHERE… but of course you’ll think it’s NOWHERE because the somewhere isn’t nearly close to where you think you should be… at this stage of your life (as compared to what?)… or for the work you’ve put in (aimless work to what end?)… or based on the “knowledge” you’ve gained (but is it “knowledge” or more useless information?)… So you’ve already gotten SOMEWHERE. You’ve gotten a RESULT. But is it the result you wanted?
Probably not.
Why?
Because you NEVER KNEW WHAT THE RESULT WAS THAT YOU WANTED! So how about taking some time now, and some paper, and getting clear on what you really want. It doesn’t take long yet it makes a pretty massive difference to where you end up.
It has been said that whenever the will is in conflict with an idea, the idea invariably wins the struggle. Or as Carl Jung says, “What you resist persists”.
If you’re interested then you can prove this to yourself with a little experiment.
Go and buy yourself a nice long strong plank of wood. Say 20m long and about the width of your foot. Then lay that plank of wood out in your driveway. With a little bit of practice you’ll probably be able to walk safely from one end to the other with minimal effort. Now take that same plank of wood. And instead of laying it in your driveway how about you suspend it between two tall structures, such as trees or between two buildings. Now notice how it would be different. Going to walk along the plank up high in the air is a world apart from walking along it in your driveway… Yet, the plank is the same, the task is the same.
So what causes the change in your reactions? What happens is the changing of the location of the plank has created a suggestion in your Unconscious Mind, a suggestion of falling. The idea of falling is coloured with all the emotion your mind can muster as your Unconscious Mind’s highest purpose is keeping you safe. Without even thinking about it your Unconscious Mind has accepted the suggestion of you falling and is acting as if it is true – it will take control of your body, give you shaky legs, make you want to desperately go back and more. You wanted motivation? This is extreme motivation from the Unconscious Mind!
While Logic tells you that surely it can’t be that hard? You walked over that very same board not so long ago… But the more you think about it logically the more the suggestion of falling is aroused by your Unconscious Mind. Sure, you could stubbornly persist, but it wouldn’t be an easy or pleasant experience for most of us.
The same is true each and every time that we try and force ourselves to do something with Will Power! If you remember just one thing from this post let it be this – making changes by Will Power alone is equivilant to violence against yourself. Think about it…
As the French Autosuggestionist Emil Coué famously said, “We can now see that not only is the will incapable of vanquishing a thought, but that as fast as the will brings up its big guns, thought captures them and turns them against itself.”
Hypnosis and Neuro-Linguistic Programming provide an excellent means for programming and communicating with the Unconscious Mind. They can succeed at avoiding this conflict between our ideas and our will to make lasting changes. These techniques in no way devalue one’s “will power”, it merely relegates it to its proper place.
Personally I love how quickly changes in Values (What drive Unconscious Motivation) can totally turn a client’s behaviour around.
Want to learn more? Then get in touch! We regularly teach NLP, Hypnosis and Time Line TherapyTM Techniques around the world. The best way to learn more is to get in touch with us by email:
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