Watch this video for information about how goal setting may actually be making you fail. This is important if you’re setting goals, super important if you ever want to achieve them. Watch on for more information…
Read Forbes.com for a quick summary of the Journal article:
» Visualize Success If You Want To Fail (Forbes)
Have you been looking for more information about Time Line Therapy (R) and how you can use the Time Line TherapyTM Techniques? Recently I recorded a 10 minute video to introduce the basics of Time Line Therapy (R). Let me know what you think, leave a comment and Like the video on YouTube if you enjoy it 
Watch on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkyIb7SklgQ
This video shares how to create goals in your future that are S.M.A.R.T. and more likely to succeed. Make yourself a cuppa and enjoy this 14 minute discussion about how to improve how you write your goals. Keep your ears open for the take home exercise towards the end.
Click to watch on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAIbcIQ-KIc
SMART stands for:
If you enjoyed this video and you’re based in Perth then come along and join us for our next Meetup event. For full details and to RSVP check out our full list of events here: http://www.meetup.com/Perth-NLP-Practice-Group/
Have you ever been in a situation where someone is angry? Like, not just a little bit angry but really angry? While human instinct is normally to get ready to fight or run for the hills there are other options available to us too. Recently I was emailed by a reader of this blog who had to write an assignment on dealing with unreasonably angry customers or co-workers and it has inspired this post today. These are the four techniques for using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) to deal with angry customers:
Get Angrier Than Them
This technique is a great quick way to diffuse a difficult situation. How it works is you allow yourself to feel much, much, much more angry than the other person about the situation which they are angry about. You will reach a point where they will become uncomfortable with how angry you are about the situation and they will start to try and convince you that actually everything is okay.
I experienced this many years ago, well before I knew about NLP, when I was working in a Retail Electronics Store. I had sold a big wall clock to a lovely man who had taken it home only to find that I hadn’t sold him the batteries he needed to go with it. He then drove back to the store, hunted me down and decided to angrily share with me how I had ruined his Saturday by wasting his precious time, the extra cost of fuel, the inconvenience etc. etc. etc! At first it took me off guard but then I started to get really angry too. But I directed the anger at myself and started saying things like, “I can’t believe I could be so hopeless, what was I thinking being so careless? What a huge problem I had caused for you and there is nothing I can do to repay you and I feel just TERRIBLE.” Suddenly, something peculiar happened. The man totally flipped his emotional state and started saying to me, “It’s okay, you didn’t do it on purpose. You probably sell loads of products, how were you to know this one didn’t have batteries” and so on, and so on. I calmed myself down, we found him the batteries and the situation was nicely resolved leaving a happy customer and without needing to involve my Manager.
Pacing and Leading
This technique has many versions but in this context I refer to pacing and leading the emotional state of the other person. To use this successfully you will need to be able to regulate how you feel from moment to moment. You start by pacing the angry customer by getting angry and worked up yourself. Once you have started to pace their emotional state you can allow yourself to calm down again they will often calm down with you.
Several years ago I used to own a beautiful fast black ute. It went like a dream. On one occasion I took a corner at some traffic lights a little bit fast and, as the tray of the ute was empty, the back of the ute fish tailed slightly out of control. I kept control of the vehicle just fine and continued driving home only to be pulled over a few minutes later by the angriest traffic cop I have ever met. He pulled me over, approached my drivers side window and before I wound the window down I could already see the veins popping out of his neck from how angry he was feeling. “Oh no,” I remember thinking to myself. I thought, this is going to take a bit of quick thinking on my part so I decided to do my best to Pace and Lead this cop. The window wasn’t even half way down when he started shouting at me, “Did I know what I was doing? Did I have any idea how dangerous my driving had been?” so, as with the previous example, I started getting angry with myself. “What on earth was I thinking? I can’t believe myself! I know what the ute is like without a load, what on earth was I doing taking the corner so quickly?” and before I knew it both the cop and I were in a similar emotional state. And then I paused and took a deep breath in and started to slow down the speed I was talking. I started to make myself feel more calm and relaxed. As I did I noticed the traffic cop’s neck started to show signs of relaxation too. Before I knew it we were talking much more casually and he allowed me to continue on my way – not even a Warning thanks to the power of Pacing and Leading.
Pattern Interrupt
A Pattern Interrupt is when you do or say something that distracts the other person from what they are thinking about or feeling. This is often done by bringing their conscious attention to something that they had previously been ignoring.
This is a nice simple technique and it will momentarily distract them from their anger. Simple examples include:
- Did you realise your shoe laces are undone?
- Wait…. (*point to the sky*) is that a UFO?
- *start jumping up and down on the spot*
- *dramatically pretend you’re about to sneeze*
You’ve successfully used this technique when you’ve distracted them from what they were thinking about in that moment.
I remember being in a Night Club and being approach by an angry (and apparently drunk) bloke who was spoiling for a fight. He came up to me with one of those standard lines, something like, “What do you think you’re looking at?” So I raised my right hand and moved it towards him in the way you would to shake hands. Without thinking he reciprocated and I started introducing myself. He lost his train of thought for a moment, stared at our hands joined together, then back at my face, then back at my hands and then he dropped my hand, turned and went back to his friends. The Pattern Interrupt had broken his state and dissolved the anger from the situation.
Confusion
This is my favourite and I originally read this in one of Derren Brown’s books. It is similar to a Pattern Interrupt and essentially it involves saying something that makes logical sense but it is totally irrelevant in the current context. The idea behind this is that when the angry person hears it and tries to make sense of it they will be left feeling confused and that confusion can replace their momentary anger.
An example of something that you could say to create confusion in a retail environment would be saying in a calm normal tone of voice:
But isn’t it interesting how the people who aren’t not watching what isn’t not going on over there haven’t yet said anything to the people they’re not thinking about calling on their mobile when they get home?
This is not one I have had the chance to use and I have my fingers crossed I don’t bump into too many angry people in the future!
In the long run…
While each of these techniques are great to dealing with someone else that is angry in the moment it won’t be much use in the long term. Anger is a strong emotion and it is important that people express it both safely and appropriately for themselves and others. It is possible using Time Line TherapyTM Techniques to totally let go of Anger in less than 30 minutes. If you are currently experiencing Anger about something, or you know someone that could do with some Anger Management assistance then point them in the direction of a NLP Coach or Time Line Therapist ASAP.
Have you ever felt ABSOLUTELY sure that something were going to happen? Can you tell the difference between how it feels to ‘try’ and do something versus when you ‘know’ you are going to do something? This post is a story about Wendy, an inspiring woman I met while teaching in Melbourne earlier this year, what her certainty brought her and how you can harness certainty for yourself.
When I was last in Melbourne I was co-presenting a NLP Practitioner Training with Life Puzzle to a group of really motivated small business owners. One of those people was Wendy, the creator of Think for Fitness. She has a burning passion for all things related to fitness. During some of the group discussions it became clear how much respect and admiration Wendy has for Michelle Bridges, the Personal Trainer of Biggest Loser TV Fame. The week after the Training I received an email from a sporting retailer that was running a competition where the winner would be flown to Sydney for a personal training session with Michelle Bridges. I forwarded the email on and the rest is history – Wendy took massive action to meet the competition entry requirements and just yesterday she found out that she won!!! Her husband and her are soon to be boarding a plane to Sydney for a Personal Training session with one of Wendy’s role models. How awesome is that?
When I spoke to Wendy yesterday about her news it was amazing just how certain she was that she was going to win. From the moment that my email to her arrived she was 100% congruent that she was going to be the winner of this competition. She told many of her clients and friends. And most importantly she took action to enter the competition. But from the very beginning she was without a shadow of a doubt that she was going to be the one winning that competition.
This is interesting because when using the Time Line TherapyTM Techniques for goal setting one of the most crucial steps is checking how certain someone is about a goal in their future. When someone is 100% certain and congruent about their goals it makes a huge difference in terms of the likelihood of them achieving that goal. On the surface this may not make much sense but here is the thing: Any uncertainty or doubt is a signal of a limiting decision or belief in the Unconscious Mind. So if you set out to double your income, yet you’re uncertain whether that goal is even possible, it means that your Unconscious Mind is probably holding a decision or a belief that will make realising that goal hard (or maybe even impossible). If you set out to lose weight, find your ideal partner or run a marathon and there are any doubts and uncertainty… same thing!
The good news is that Time Line TherapyTM Techniques are incredibly powerful and fast at finding those limiting beliefs and decisions in your Unconscious Mind. Plus once they are discovered they can easily be let go (normally in less than 15 minutes for most decisions/beliefs). These techniques are all taught during our NLP Practitioner Certification Training, the same course Wendy was attending, or alternatively you could work with a coach trained in these techniques.
So pause for a moment: What is one of your major goals right now? And on a scale of 1 to 10 (Where 0 is how certain you feel about flying to the moon tomorrow and 10 is how certain you feel about the sun rising tomorrow) how certain are you about that goal? And if you’re answering anything less than a 10, assuming you care about achieving that goal, then when would now be a good time to make an appointment with your coach or learn these techniques for yourself? As always, I love to hear from you so feel free to drop me a Facebook message or an email: lloyd@confidentfuture.com.au
Time is such a central concept in most cultures. But did you know that there are two different kinds of time? And that the type of time you experience will drastically impact upon your personality? It determines whether you run early or late to appointments, how you linguistically talk about time and your type of time has an interestingly high correlation between whether you have a judging or perceiving personality trait! It seems that there are essentially two different ways of storing time in the human mind:
Arabic Time is most common in areas such as the Middle East, India, the South Pacific, Caribbean and Africa. This notion of time suggests that time is what is happening now. They don’t strongly grasp the concept of appointments and if you run late (or early) that is okay. They won’t tend to notice if they are running late or mind at all if you arrive much later than arranged. If you are trying to find out when something will be done then watch out for the word ‘tomorrow’. Tomorrow for people running on Arabic Time means anytime in the future beyond tonight’s sunset up until months from now. They’ll get there, just don’t expect it done within 48 hours or you’ll be likely to be disappointed.
If we had an appointment with someone running on Arabic Time for 10AM on Thursday you shouldn’t be surprised if they turned up 30 minutes or an hour late. They are likely to walk in without a worry on their face about being late and stay with you as long as it takes to complete the task, regardless of how long was scheduled for the meeting.
Anglo-European Time is a gift created by the Industrial Revolution. The problem that the Industrial Revolution faced is that to run a production line in a factory you need everybody in position at the same time. If somebody is running 30 minutes late it throws the production line into disarray. Not only does Anglo-European Time extremely value punctuality, it also values things done in a linear fashion, one after the other.
If we had an appointment with someone running on Anglo-European Time for 10AM on Thursday you would be expected to be 5 minutes early. You shouldn’t be surprised if they are phoning you to find out where you are if you are running 5 minutes late without letting them know. Expect them to be very judgmental of you if you run late. Interestingly, if a meeting is scheduled for an hour expect the meeting to conclude an hour after it was scheduled to start, regardless of whether you finished what you were meeting about or not.
One of the first processes in Time Line Therapy is the process of eliciting your Time Line. There is a strong correlation between Through Time people, who have a Time Line that does not pass through their body, running on Anglo-European Time. It is also very likely that an In Time person will run on Arabic Time and have a Time Line that does pass through their body.
Time Line TherapyTM is a technique that utilises both Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Eriksonian Hypnosis that was first developed in 1985 by Tad James. It is based on the premise that there is the past, now and the future, but in reality there is only the now. We hold an idea of the past and the future in our minds. That idea includes our memories, our decisions and our good/bad experiences. Because we hold this idea in our mind we can change that idea to have a profound and lasting impact on how we feel right now about things in the past or the future.
Before any work can be done using Time Line TherapyTM your time line must be elicited. This process is usually quick and simple. Many people have never thought about it but we have a way or organising things that have happened in the past, and a way of organising things that we believe will happen in the future. Most people, when they think about it, can even point in the direction of their past, and the direction of their future. And they can notice that those two directions sort of form a line between their past and future. This process is best done formally by a Time Line Practitioner.
Time Line TherapyTM is a really good way to release negative emotions from the unconscious mind. Because the unconscious mind can only Generalise, Delete or Distort what happens to us we store emotions in the mind in a structure called a Gestalt. The Gestalt is a generalisation of each emotion and it has a First Event, the first time we felt that emotion, and then subsequent Significant Emotional Events that have been generalised to be like the first event. When using Time Line TherapyTM it normally only takes a release of the First Event for the entire Gestalt to begin to release, taking with it the negative emotions. The main negative emotions that Time Line TherapyTM is used with are:
Although these are the main four, it is possible to use Time Line TherapyTM with any emotion that the clients mind has a linguistic label for.
While most negative emotions appear in the past, Anxiety is an emotion that appears in the future. Time Line TherapyTM is a very useful way for resolving Anxiety with a client. In my personal experience Anxiety can be resolved using Time Line TherapyTM in as little as 2 to 5 minutes on most events. It is important for the Time Line TherapyTM Practitioner to clearly differentiate between Anxiety and Fear as Fear must be treated in the past although the presenting symptoms may be similar.
Limiting Decisions are also sometimes called Limiting Beliefs. They are things that we have decided in the past, or currently believe about ourselves, that mean that we don’t reach our full potential. For example, if you believed you were stupid you would be less likely to expect good results from your studies. While, if the belief/decision that you were stupid was released then you would approach your studies differently. Time Line TherapyTM is much more effective than the traditional NLP Method of Submodality changes for making long lasting changes to limiting beliefs. While the submodality changes will change how you feel about the belief, Time Line TherapyTM will release the Gestalt with that belief in it.
This article only touches on the basics of what Time Line TherapyTM can do. The truth is that Time Line TherapyTM can also be used to place goals in your future, remove phobias, facilitate forgiveness of people in your life and much much more. People are increasingly recognising the role that emotions play in illness and disease – imagine the role that Time Line TherapyTM can play in health by releasing negative emotions.
If you are interested in Time Line TherapyTM then please get in touch. I am a Certified Time Line TherapyTM Practitioner and was taught by the creator, Tad James. I regularly conduct Time Line TherapyTM sessions both face-to-face and over the phone. If you have read this article and you are interested in finding out more or interested in experiencing the benefits for yourself then please get in touch. My Contact Details are available here.
WARNING: Time Line TherapyTM is extremely powerful and has the possibility of changing a person’s personality totally and completely in a very short period of time. It is therefore important, for your safety, that any therapeutic use of these techniques be done by someone trained in Time Line TherapyTM.
- Time Line TherapyTM and The Basis of Personality by Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall
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