Don't Should on People

When discussing a problem with clients it isn’t uncommon for me to hear about all the things that they ’should’ be doing. And normally the things that they ’should’ be doing aren’t the things that they are actually doing (Surprise, surprise). They should be exercising more, they should be saving more, they should be getting to bed earlier…

But if you think about it… there is actually very little that we ’should’ do.

Linguistically, ’should’ is a modal operator of necessity. If you ever hear terms like ’should’, ‘must’ or ‘have to’ in your speech, or that of your friends/family, you could legitimately ask, “According to who?”. Or, “What would happen if you didn’t?”. Because there is so little that we ’should’ be doing this word is often used to make us feel guilty or bad about what we’re not doing. Instead of feeling guilty maybe it is more constructive to consider to real reason why it is important… because maybe, just maybe, you’ll find that it isn’t quite as important as you at first thought.

If you are going to use the word ’should’, keep it to yourself. It is one thing to talk about what you should be doing without imposing your ’shoulds’ onto others.

Don’t should on people. Open up possibilities!

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