The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages is a set of generalisations that help explain why certain people don’t feel loved in certain situations while others do. It is based on a book written by Gary Chapman called “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”.

It works on the idea that people receive and show love in five generalised ways. The five ways suggested in the book are:

• Compliments (i.e. having nice things said to you)
• Gifts (i.e. being given presents)
• Acts of Service (i.e. when someone makes the bed, mows the lawn or generally does something for you)
• Quality Time (i.e. when someone gives you their undivided attention and spends time with you)
• Touch (i.e. being held/touched)

So for example if someone feels most loved when they receive gifts then they may not feel totally loved in a relationship where they aren’t given gifts, even if they are touched in loving way and spend lots of quality time with their partner. If their partner was to begin giving gifts, even if they reduced quality time and the time spent touching then they would still feel more loved.

At the end of the day it is just another system of generalisation so take it with a grain of salt, but I have found it to be a really useful model when working on improving relationships with couples.

Recently I found this online test that is a quick and easy way to get a bit of insight into your primary love language. Well worth doing if you have a spare few minutes:

Further Reading:
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

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