Communication Needs - Feedback
Feedback Is Important For Good Communication.
Part of our Communication Needs is feedback. Feedback indicates how well your message is being understood; it helps to sort out communication problems and is vital for developing and maintaining business and personal relationships. In fact, it is one of the most important parts of the communication process
Any reply to a message is ‘feedback’. You ask the time, someone says “5.20pm” (receiver’s feedback) and you say “Thanks” (your feedback). Feedback can be classified in different ways. It can be:
- verbal or non-verbal;
- positive or negative;
- process or action;
- a combination of any of these.
As a coach I suggest you take note of what feedback you give in different situations and consider whether the feedback you give is meeting the communication needs of the person you are talking to.
Warm Regards
Andrew Fleming
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Better Communication
Through Being A Good Active Listener?
Active listing will enhance your communication experiences by allowing each person to feel important and valued. Communication then becomes more effective. Here are a few tips to improve your active listening skills.
- Know why you are listening
If you don’t know why you are listening, you won’t gain as much from communicating as you will if you have a definite purpose in mind.
- Listen with your whole body
Active listening involves you physically and mentally. Read the sender’s body movements, and exchange non-verbal feedback. Look directly at the sender, express interest with your face, eyes and hands.
- Give feedback; respond to the person
The best listening also involves talking, as you respond verbally to what you hear. If you agree, say so; don’t leave the other person guessing. A comment, which confirms that you have heard and understood, is better than just a ‘yes’ or a nod of the head. An ideal response is to rephrase the speaker’s words, indicate support, and then ask a question. “I agree that you’ve had to take care of the children more than me recently. How can I help support you?” Seek further information by asking questions like: “what happened next?” or “what do you think your options are?”
- Show empathy
Make it clear that you understand the other person’s point of view, even if you do not agree with it. Active listening requires sensitive judgement about when people want to talk and when they don’t. Use one ear to listen to meaning and the other to listen to feelings (like reading between the lines). Remember, words often mask real feelings.
As a coach I would like you to take the time to consider how putting these things into practice could enhance your communication experiences? I think it is a good skill to invest time into. The time required to learn and practice this skill is very small compared with the big prize of Enhanced Communication.
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Listen and Enhance Communication!
I often wonder whether people are really truly understanding what I am communicating to them because it feels like they are there really only in body and not listening properly, to what I am communicating to them.
Our communication experiences are enhanced when we actively listen to each other. Active listening means putting everything else out of your mind and acknowledging the other person with eye contact, facial gestures, words that confirm you understand, and perhaps even touch so they have feedback that you are listening properly and valuing what they have to say. Here are some of the reasons that active listening improves communication.
- When people notice how well you listen to them, they usually reciprocate and try to understand you better. They feel valued and therefore value you more.
- Communication improves, Relationships improve. Friendships develop and deepen.
- You receive more accurate information because communication is more effective. People explaining problems are more inclined to give you the whole story.
- People encouraged by your active listening often discover solutions to their own problems. The opportunity to talk things over is all many people need to see the issue in its proper perspective.
- You get on better with people. Active listening combined with empathy makes it easier to solve problems or at least reach a compromise.
- You can discover not only what people are saying, but why they are saying it. You learn more about what is really going on ‘between the lines’ through more effective communication
They all seem pretty good reasons to take the time to improve active listening skills and a small investment for our prize of better communication. What could you do to improve your listening and enhance your communication?
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Communication Needs - Do You Listen Properly?
Do you ever consider whether you are listening properly when you are in a conversation? Not listening properly can prevent you getting the most from your communication experiences as you do not meet the communication needs of whoever you are conversing with.
When we should be listening to understand the other person, it is likely that we are:
- Perceiving listening as a passive activity and therefore finding the prolonged concentration impossible to maintain;
- Already speaking before the other person has finished or preparing to respond in our mind;
- Not clearing our minds beforehand, so the ‘noise in our system’ shuts out or distorts what is being said;
- Filtering what we hear through our own picture of our world - our paradigm;
- Reading our own experience into the other person’s life. We hear it often… “I know exactly what you mean. When I did that…”, “That reminds me of when I…” or “Let me tell you what happened when I did that…”
- So tense with emotion that our ability to listen is seriously impaired;
- Distracted or bored because our listening style doesn’t match the speaker. Larry Barker, a communications consultant, came up with findings that differentiate types of listening styles - people, action, content and time oriented. People oriented listeners, for example, like to hear about the colour and descriptors around a story, whereas an action oriented listener just wants to get to the bottom line. Therefore, our preference may result in shutting out some of the information because it doesn’t fit our style of listening.
Do you find yourself doing these things when you communicate with others? If you do then consider how you could enhance your communication experience by improving your listening skills and meeting the communication needs of the person you are communicating with. As a coach I suggest you learn about active listening. It will make a big difference to your ability to satisfy the communication needs of the other person and they will feel more valued and likely to reciprocate, enhancing the communication experience for both parties.
Confident Future Newsletter
Would you like to receive a short and sweet weekly success strategy sent to your inbox? These were made available due to popular demand, they are thought provoking and implementable in your life now. To receive your weekly dose of inspiration from us and begin benefiting from our information now, fill in the box below.
Listening - Part of Our Communication Needs!
I often wonder whether people are really truly understanding what I am communicating to them because it feels like they are there really only in body and not listening properly, to what I am communicating to them. They are not meeting my communication needs as I need them to listen properly.
Our communication experiences are enhanced when we understand what the communication needs of the people involved in the conversation are. One of these needs is active listening. Active listening means putting everything else out of your mind and acknowledging the other person with eye contact, facial gestures, words that confirm you understand, and perhaps even touch so they have feedback that you are listening properly and valuing what they have to say. Here are some of the reasons that active listening improves communication.
- When people notice how well you listen to them, they usually reciprocate and try to understand you better. They feel valued and therefore value you more.
- Communication improves, Relationships improve. Friendships develop and deepen.
- You receive more accurate information because communication is more effective. People explaining problems are more inclined to give you the whole story.
- People encouraged by your active listening often discover solutions to their own problems. The opportunity to talk things over is all many people need to see the issue in its proper perspective.
- You get on better with people. Active listening combined with empathy makes it easier to solve problems or at least reach a compromise.
- You can discover not only what people are saying, but why they are saying it. You learn more about what is really going on ‘between the lines’ through more effective communication
They all seem pretty good reasons to take the time to improve active listening skills and a small investment for our prize of better communication through meeting the conversation needs of whoever you are conversing with.
Confident Future Newsletter
Would you like to receive a short and sweet weekly success strategy sent to your inbox? These were made available due to popular demand, they are thought provoking and implementable in your life now. To receive your weekly dose of inspiration from us and begin benefiting from our information now, fill in the box below.
Communication Process
Communication is the means by which people share words, ideas and feelings. When you explain an idea to someone, you are attempting to share that idea. If your communication process is successful and as a result you share that thought, it is then something that you and the other person have in common.
Sharing ideas helps people relate to each other more effectively, to work together more happily and to get jobs done faster. Effective communication makes life work.
But is that all there is to communication? What is really going on? When people say they are communicating are they only talking about sharing ideas?
How Communication Works
The illustration here demonstrates the concept of communication in its simplest form. Of course, this diagram shows a message travelling in only one direction, when in fact most communication involves two-way exchanges.
Different Ways of Communicating
Each type of communication listed below needs different skills and techniques.
Person to person -
face-to-face, reading a letter, making a phone call, dancing;
In a small group -
planning, solving problems, making decisions;
In a meeting -
presenting, bargaining, negotiating agreements;
In an organisation -
writing reports and memos, using notice boards, supervising, managing;
Through the mass media -
speaking in public, on radio or television; writing for the media, in papers, journals, books, advertising and public relations;
Others - training or teaching, entertaining (art, cinema).
It Takes Two to Communicate
The word ‘communication’ and similar words such as ‘community’ and ‘communion’ all have Latin origins describing the idea of ‘common-ness’, the result of sharing ideas, having shared understanding or reaching a common agreement.
To be described as communication, an exchange must involve two or more individuals, although not necessarily humans. Most living creatures communicate, but you cannot share ideas with a machine. Computers are used to communicate, but having no ideas of their own they cannot communicate with you or among themselves.
Main Elements in the Communication Process
Defining the steps involved in communication is complex, however the main parts of the process and the terms most commonly used to describe it are given below:
Who communicates?
- A sender and a receiver.
What do they communicate?
- Messages, codes and meanings.
How do messages travel?
- Via channels.
How does this happen?
- The sender has an idea and converts the idea into a message. This message is sent or transmitted and is either received or ignored by receiver. The receiver interprets the message.
What else happens?
- The receiver responds or reacts; the sender receives feedback.
The Message
A message is a unit of communication. It starts as an imaginary package that carries a meaning. Some messages are portable - for instance, a memo being passed from one person to another. Others are transferred visually - a smile, or a raised eyebrow. A handshake travels by touch. All these are messages.
In our Success Strategy for Life on Communication we go into the communication process in great detail helping you understand what it takes to be a truly great communicator, how to get your message across first time and most importantly to have those around you feel understood.
Would you like to receive the first unit in this Success Strategy for life? If so fill in the box below and we will send you your Free link to: “Communication - What did you say?”
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Would you like to receive a short and sweet weekly success strategy sent to your inbox? These were made available due to popular demand, they are thought provoking and implementable in your life now. To receive your weekly dose of inspiration from us and begin benefiting from our information now, fill in the box below.
Common Barriers to Listening
Listening is so much more than just ‘hearing’. Active listening means stopping your own internal monologue, devoting your attention to the sender and seeking to truly understand the sender’s message.
Common barriers to careful listening include:
- Constantly comparing yourself to the speaker (eg, ‘Who is smarter? Who’s had it rougher?’);
- Trying to mind read what the talker really thinks;
- Planning what argument or story to give next;
- Filtering so that one hears only certain topics or doesn’t hear critical remarks;
- Judging a statement to be ‘crazy’ or ‘boring’ or ‘stupid’ before it is completed;
- Going off on one’s daydreams;
- Remembering your own personal experiences instead of listening to the talker;
- Busily drafting your prescription or advice long before the talker has finished telling his or her woes;
- Considering every conversation an intellectual debate with the goal of putting down the opponent;
- Believing you are always right, so no need to listen;
- Quickly changing the topic or laughing it off if the topic gets serious;
- Placating the other person by automatically agreeing with everything they say (“You’re right… Of course… I agree…”)
How many of the common barriers to listening do you identify with? What can you do to change these habits?
Why Modern Relationships Aren’t Working
What was good enough for our parents doesn’t seem to be good enough for us. We are no longer willing to make such enormous personal sacrifices. We demand and deserve lasting happiness, intimacy and passion with a single partner. If we don’t get it we are prepared to sacrifice the marriage; personal fulfilment is now more important than the family unit.
What’s the solution? It’s not in divorce or self-sacrifice. The answer lies in learning to create relationships that support our personal fulfilment. There is nothing wrong with wanting more than our parents did. The truth is, times have changed, and our values have changed with them. The new problems we face are not symptoms of failure, rather the result of the evolution of our society.
Over and over we have witnessed couples on the verge of divorce miraculously fall in love again. Through discovering and recognising their mistakes, they do not feel so powerless and hopeless. Their hearts open up again. Understanding our parts of the problem lets us release our blame and begin practicing new skills, which transform our relationships.
Why Many Modern Women are Unhappy
They are overworked, overstressed, and commonly feel unsupported and overwhelmed with good reason. At no other time in history has so much been expected of them. At least 5 days a week, they put on a uniform and march into an 8-12 hour battle. When they come home, they need to clean the house, make the dinner, do laundry, love and nurture the kids, and also be pleasing and happy as well as romantically receptive to their mates. It’s just too much to ask of themselves, and it’s making them feel split inside. At work, women are required to think, talk, react, dress and behave according to the traditional masculine rules of conduct. At home, they have to switch to being warm, giving and feminine.
Why Many Modern Men are Dissatisfied
Modern men feel underpaid, defeated and unappreciated. Like women, they are experiencing the toll that a two-career marriage takes. Years ago, when a man returned to a stay-at-home wife she could easily show him how much she appreciated his efforts and sacrifices. Happy to care for him because she wasn’t stressed out, she asked for very little in return. Now, abruptly, the home as a male comfort base is under siege. Many men work just as hard, if not harder than their forefathers, but still can’t manage to be their family’s sole support. Deprived of the strong sense of self that being a sole provider would bring him, on a deep emotional level he easily feels defeated when his partner seems unhappy and unfulfilled.
The work world does nothing to nourish the female spirit and is dramatically affecting the quality of man/woman relationships. Men are wired to give all to their work, then come home and receive. To a great extent women are built to give and receive at the same time. Women love to give but need to be fuelled simultaneously: when they give without receiving, they tend to give more and eventually feel overwhelmed, empty, and resentful. In some cases, just as the woman feels responsible for doing it all at home, a man is socially programmed to also feel that it is all her responsibility. Just as it is difficult for her to relax and do less, it is equally difficult for him to find the energy to help out. His programming is saying that his job is done when he returns home, while hers is saying she needs to do more.
The difference between female burn out and fulfilment is determined not by how much a woman does at work but by the quality of the support she receives. A woman can forget the problems of the day by remembering them and talking about them. She does this in a non-linear, unedited, emotional way. Men banish the problems of the day by not talking about them. By bringing them up in conversation, a man would have to address himself to solving them.
While it is important for men not to talk, it is equally important for woman to talk – but it is not necessary for him to talk back to her, he only needs to listen. A man can be stressed out from a day at work, but if his partner is happy with him he feels fulfilled – when he senses her appreciation of his labour, his stress level dissipates. But when an exhausted woman returns home to a happy man, he doesn’t make her day. She needs to communicate and feel some nurturing support before she can begin to appreciate him.
A man thrives on appreciation because it directly nurtures his male side.
A woman thrives on communication because it directly nurtures her female side.
By understanding and honouring these differences we can create mutually fulfilling relationships.
How can you use this information in your relationship?Are you dissatisfied or unhappy with how things have been lately? A coach may be able to help! Confident Future has 11 units that specifically focus around creating the relationship of your dreams! So what are you waiting for? Get in touch if you want more information by providing your email address below!
