Common Barriers to Listening
Listening is so much more than just ‘hearing’. Active listening means stopping your own internal monologue, devoting your attention to the sender and seeking to truly understand the sender’s message.
Common barriers to careful listening include:
- Constantly comparing yourself to the speaker (eg, ‘Who is smarter? Who’s had it rougher?’);
- Trying to mind read what the talker really thinks;
- Planning what argument or story to give next;
- Filtering so that one hears only certain topics or doesn’t hear critical remarks;
- Judging a statement to be ‘crazy’ or ‘boring’ or ‘stupid’ before it is completed;
- Going off on one’s daydreams;
- Remembering your own personal experiences instead of listening to the talker;
- Busily drafting your prescription or advice long before the talker has finished telling his or her woes;
- Considering every conversation an intellectual debate with the goal of putting down the opponent;
- Believing you are always right, so no need to listen;
- Quickly changing the topic or laughing it off if the topic gets serious;
- Placating the other person by automatically agreeing with everything they say (“You’re right… Of course… I agree…”)
How many of the common barriers to listening do you identify with? What can you do to change these habits?
