Communication Needs - Do You Listen Properly?

Do you ever consider whether you are listening properly when you are in a conversation? Not listening properly can prevent you getting the most from your communication experiences as you do not meet the communication needs of whoever you are conversing with.

When we should be listening to understand the other person, it is likely that we are:

• Perceiving listening as a passive activity and therefore finding the prolonged concentration impossible to maintain;
• Already speaking before the other person has finished or preparing to respond in our mind;
• Not clearing our minds beforehand, so the ‘noise in our system’ shuts out or distorts what is being said;
• Filtering what we hear through our own picture of our world - our paradigm;
• Reading our own experience into the other person’s life. We hear it often… “I know exactly what you mean. When I did that…”, “That reminds me of when I…” or “Let me tell you what happened when I did that…”
• So tense with emotion that our ability to listen is seriously impaired;
• Distracted or bored because our listening style doesn’t match the speaker. Larry Barker, a communications consultant, came up with findings that differentiate types of listening styles - people, action, content and time oriented. People oriented listeners, for example, like to hear about the colour and descriptors around a story, whereas an action oriented listener just wants to get to the bottom line. Therefore, our preference may result in shutting out some of the information because it doesn’t fit our style of listening.

Do you find yourself doing these things when you communicate with others? If you do then consider how you could enhance your communication experience by improving your listening skills and meeting the communication needs of the person you are communicating with. As a coach I suggest you learn about active listening. It will make a big difference to your ability to satisfy the communication needs of the other person and they will feel more valued and likely to reciprocate, enhancing the communication experience for both parties.

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