Why Modern Relationships Aren’t Working
What was good enough for our parents doesn’t seem to be good enough for us. We are no longer willing to make such enormous personal sacrifices. We demand and deserve lasting happiness, intimacy and passion with a single partner. If we don’t get it we are prepared to sacrifice the marriage; personal fulfilment is now more important than the family unit.
What’s the solution? It’s not in divorce or self-sacrifice. The answer lies in learning to create relationships that support our personal fulfilment. There is nothing wrong with wanting more than our parents did. The truth is, times have changed, and our values have changed with them. The new problems we face are not symptoms of failure, rather the result of the evolution of our society.
Over and over we have witnessed couples on the verge of divorce miraculously fall in love again. Through discovering and recognising their mistakes, they do not feel so powerless and hopeless. Their hearts open up again. Understanding our parts of the problem lets us release our blame and begin practicing new skills, which transform our relationships.
Why Many Modern Women are Unhappy
They are overworked, overstressed, and commonly feel unsupported and overwhelmed with good reason. At no other time in history has so much been expected of them. At least 5 days a week, they put on a uniform and march into an 8-12 hour battle. When they come home, they need to clean the house, make the dinner, do laundry, love and nurture the kids, and also be pleasing and happy as well as romantically receptive to their mates. It’s just too much to ask of themselves, and it’s making them feel split inside. At work, women are required to think, talk, react, dress and behave according to the traditional masculine rules of conduct. At home, they have to switch to being warm, giving and feminine.
Why Many Modern Men are Dissatisfied
Modern men feel underpaid, defeated and unappreciated. Like women, they are experiencing the toll that a two-career marriage takes. Years ago, when a man returned to a stay-at-home wife she could easily show him how much she appreciated his efforts and sacrifices. Happy to care for him because she wasn’t stressed out, she asked for very little in return. Now, abruptly, the home as a male comfort base is under siege. Many men work just as hard, if not harder than their forefathers, but still can’t manage to be their family’s sole support. Deprived of the strong sense of self that being a sole provider would bring him, on a deep emotional level he easily feels defeated when his partner seems unhappy and unfulfilled.
The work world does nothing to nourish the female spirit and is dramatically affecting the quality of man/woman relationships. Men are wired to give all to their work, then come home and receive. To a great extent women are built to give and receive at the same time. Women love to give but need to be fuelled simultaneously: when they give without receiving, they tend to give more and eventually feel overwhelmed, empty, and resentful. In some cases, just as the woman feels responsible for doing it all at home, a man is socially programmed to also feel that it is all her responsibility. Just as it is difficult for her to relax and do less, it is equally difficult for him to find the energy to help out. His programming is saying that his job is done when he returns home, while hers is saying she needs to do more.
The difference between female burn out and fulfilment is determined not by how much a woman does at work but by the quality of the support she receives. A woman can forget the problems of the day by remembering them and talking about them. She does this in a non-linear, unedited, emotional way. Men banish the problems of the day by not talking about them. By bringing them up in conversation, a man would have to address himself to solving them.
While it is important for men not to talk, it is equally important for woman to talk – but it is not necessary for him to talk back to her, he only needs to listen. A man can be stressed out from a day at work, but if his partner is happy with him he feels fulfilled – when he senses her appreciation of his labour, his stress level dissipates. But when an exhausted woman returns home to a happy man, he doesn’t make her day. She needs to communicate and feel some nurturing support before she can begin to appreciate him.
A man thrives on appreciation because it directly nurtures his male side.
A woman thrives on communication because it directly nurtures her female side.
By understanding and honouring these differences we can create mutually fulfilling relationships.
How can you use this information in your relationship?Are you dissatisfied or unhappy with how things have been lately? A coach may be able to help! Confident Future has 11 units that specifically focus around creating the relationship of your dreams! So what are you waiting for? Get in touch if you want more information by providing your email address below!
I love every bit of this reading